Dad is so boring and oh, so vulnerable
The argument wasn't going well. By which I mean it wasn't going my way.
"That doesn't count," The Boy told me, much in the way I'd imagine a creationist would scoff at an evolutionist for suggesting your great-grandpa was cheeta.
Our argument wasn't about evolution, or creationism, or even what wine goes well with jungle louse. Heck, he's 8. Our argument was one that had played between father and son since 1938, when Superman began jumping tall buildings in a single bound.
If you could have any super power, what would it be?
"I'd be able to fly," The Boy answered with as much hesitation as if I'd have asked "do you want pizza for dinner?"
Hesitation? Ha.
"What power would you have?" He asked.
That was easy.
"Invulnerability."
He laughed.
There's something powerful about flight. Soaring through the sky, your arms outstretched, the landscape zipping beneath you like it did in the cartoons, and nothing like that stupid gravity to hold you back.
A bird? A plane? Well, yeah. That's pretty neat.
But invulnerability?
"Bor-ing."
Boring? Being impervious to guns, knives, Samurai swords, electrocution, drowning, radiation poisoning, hanging and crushing blows is boring?
I was ready for this.
"Bullets would bounce off me," I told him.
"I'd fly over them," he said.
"It gets pretty cold up in the sky. If you were invulnerable, you wouldn't care."
"I'd wear a coat."
"You could get hit in the face by a bird."
"I'd wear a helmet."
"What if you were struck by lightning?"
"I'd wear a rubber suit."
Hmm. This kid's tough.
"Well," I said. "If we were trapped by a super villain and he dropped a building on us, you'd be doomed, and I'd just get up and walk away."
"Whatever," he said. "It's still boring."
I guess being safe is boring. That comes with age. When I was younger, I may have been seduced by the glamour of flight. Now, as I worry about things like blood pressure and heart disease, I'll always pick walking out of a 12-car pile-up without a scratch over glamour.
Yeah. Any day.
But I was arguing with a kid. How would an adult answer that question?
I asked my wife.
"If you could have any super power, what would it be?"
She thought for a second.
"I'd be able to fly," she said, falling into the glamour trap. "How about you?"
"Invulnerability," I said.
She laughed.
"That doesn't count."
Yeah, let's see who's laughing when a super villain drops that building on us.
