Two sets of rules, and Dad loses
The baby was crying.
Babies cry a lot. And, as a parent, it's your job to determine if that cry is due to hunger, a wet diaper, loneliness or if the baby just wants to see how fast they can make you move.
"Is he hungry?" I asked my wife, who was trying to comfort the baby in that universal mommy swaying motion that would probably make me queasy.
She shook her head.
"No, he just ate."
"Is he wet?" I asked, going through the Parents 12-point inspection checklist.
"No."
"Gassy?"
"No."
"Constipated?"
"No."
"Is it colic? The croop? The grip?"
"Honey ..." she started.
"Fluid levels? Belts? Brake pads ..."
"Honey," she said firmly enough to shut me up. "He just wanted me to hold him. The baby's fine."
Hmm, I thought. That's not what my mom said to do.
One day while mom was visiting, the baby started crying, so I picked him up.
"You'll spoil that baby if you hold him too much," she said, frowning at me like I'd given him a knife to play with.
Grandparents have their own ideas of how to feed the baby, how to burp the baby, how to bathe the baby and who the baby should eventually marry.
These ideas, of course, are different from yours because your ideas are stupid.
But grandparents should know what they're talking about, right? I mean, they've done this sort of thing before and with practice and age come experience, wisdom and a certain cockiness.
Such as:
Grandpa: "What do you mean the baby's too young? I put a muddy football in your crib and look how you turned out?"
You: "Uh, dad, I'm an accountant."
Grandpa: "Right. I started too late with you. Now get out of the way, the baby and I are going to run some tackling drills."
Grandparents will argue with you, point out all the things you're doing wrong and, eventually they'll undermine your authority.
Yep, they'll give your baby a toy you didn't want him to have, they'll sneak him treats when he's in trouble and, egad, they'll let junior eat off their plate.
When, I wondered, will that start with my baby?
Mom stopped by to see the baby recently. When she walked in, he was crying in his play pen. She walked directly to the baby and picked him up.
"But I thought you told me not to do that," I said.
She waved me off.
"It's OK if I do it."
There's one important fact all parents must learn to cope with - grandparents have no rules.
