Global warming -- don't blame the usual suspects
For the past three summers, ice levels at the poles have shrunk on Mars.
Yeah, according to data from NASA's Mars Global Surveyor, the red planet is experiencing a global warming climate change despite the fact that President Bush has yet to attack Martian forces with SUVs and Lear jets in an effort to take all their oil while pretending to look for weapons of mass destruction.
Oh, yeah, the Martians have WMDs. All the proof we need is in the War-something book written by that one guy ...
But if Mars' climate is changing, somebody isn't telling us something.
All we've heard from politicians and hippies is that we're causing global warming here on earth with our Ford Explorers and our factories and our spray deodorant and cow farts.
Why, then, is there global warming on Mars?
Last time I checked, Martians didn't have factories, deodorant or cows and rode wind cars, like in that something-Chronicles book by that other guy.
Since Mars has no industry, vehicles or tourism that we're being told of maybe climate change is just something that happens every once in a while ... even on a planet with no wasteful, insensitive, fossil fuel-using people.
Yeah, that's a thought.
Sure, our polar ice caps are melting, too. And it won't just be the rising ocean levels we have to worry about. Warming oceans are disrupting sea life, weather patterns and sometimes my cable TV goes out.
Although I'm sure pollution has given global warming a happy slap on the back, given past pre-internal combustion engine climate changes on earth, it was going to happen anyway. We can't vote on it and we can't protest against it so shut up about it.
But, if you're really concerned about global warming, and committed to finding a solution to something that's really too big for you to fix unless you're Superman, there is a way you can help.
It's simple, it's easy, it's fun, and it's something you soft, Nancy-boy environmentalists never consider: A diet of fruit and veggies makes people expel lots and lots of methane. Too much methane in our atmosphere contributes to global warming.
So all you gassy, soy-eating tree huggers you're contributing to global warming, too.
Let's break out the rifles and go hunt vegetarians.* It'll be good for the environment.
*Oh, sure, there are a whole lot of cows in the United States and cows produce much more methane than vegetarians. But we non-vegetarians eat the cows, and dead cows can't produce methane ... idiot.
