The idiot's guide to romance
No matter how inept you are in the world of romance, being romantic isn't a mystery.
Heck, it isn't even hard.
Romance isn't delivering flowers and candy to your loved one on days you're expected to, like St. Valentine's Day. Romance isn't letting your significant other cook for you. And romance isn't resting your cigarette in the car's ashtray while making love.
Can you learn to be romantic?
Yes, of course. All you have to do is this: think of your partner's* comfort before you think of your own.
That's it.
Romance is that simple, it's that straightforward and you can do it every day because being romantic doesn't have to cost you a thing.
Romance for Idiots
Open doors:
What is more thoughtful than opening a door for your partner/date? Not much. It's old fashioned and it shows respect. Besides, if your date walks through a door first, you get to stare at his/her butt.
Pay attention:
If your partner has changed his/her hair style, wardrobe or vehicle, you'd better notice. Paying attention shows them you're, uh, paying attention - to them.
Say something nice:
How would you like someone to tell you how attractive you are every time you see them? Or that they like your hair? Or maybe they say "I love you" every once in a while for no reason other than they do?
Lover's Tip No. 75:
If you say "I love you," you'd better mean it. Unless you're just dating and are trying to get him/her in the sack before you dump them, then that's OK.
Do something nice:
Such as, cook your partner/date dinner, surprise him/her at work just to say "hi" and drop off their favorite snack, or take your partner on a date without making them chip in for gas. Showing your partner/date you're willing to go out of your way to see them smile is worth a thousand half-meant "I love you's."
Lover's Tip No. 241:
Stopping by your date's work more than once a week, e-mailing more than twice per day, or starting any telephone conversation with "I know what you're wearing," could result in police intervention.
Tell him/her it's endearing (for first timers):
If the words: "Most people think _______ is annoying," come out of your date's mouth, this is a tactical advantage - take it. Something this person does obviously gets on people's nerves and he/she's testing this annoying snort/laugh/nasally whine out on someone new. They want your approval. Give it to them, and you'll get something in return. The appropriate romantic response guaranteed to get you some sort of action is: "Annoying? I think it's cute." This brings you no more than 30 minutes away from a lip-lock. Forty-five minutes, tops. If your date's really annoying, heck, it's not like you even have to give them your real phone number.
A few don'ts (mostly for guys):
Don't show up late - for anything. Don't cancel a date to go bowling/golfing/fishing/cruising for chicks. Don't ignore her for reruns of Seinfeld. Don't leave stacks of porn around your apartment ... unless she's into that sort of thing. Don't expect her to eat over the sink. And don't play Nintendo while you're having sex. Enough said.
There you go. Just do something to show you're thinking of your partner before yourself. You're not just thinking romance, you're living it.
*Partner defined as wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend, cheap floozy whose last name you'll never know and person whose status isn't legally recognized in most states.