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Jason Offutt's humor column "As I was saying..." has appeared irregularly in 10 newspapers and magazines in Missouri and Kansas since 1992, winning awards such as "Best Humor Column" and "Humor Columnist of the Month."
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- Updated 8.3.07 -

  • What are they feeding our kids?
  • Scooby and the gang offer lessons for life
  • It's all in how you say it
  • Revel in the moments of glory
  • Simple rules for half of the species
  • You have a what in your what?
  • The robot does not act like a toddler
  • Just kick back and be healthy
  • The ultimate solution to bad movies
  • Yeah, sometimes strange things happen
  • Are you smarter than a chimp?
    		•
    mo_press_2004.jpg

    2004 Missouri Press Association Award
    Best Column, Humorous
    mo_press_2000.jpg

    2000 Missouri Press Association Award
    Best Column, Humorous
    What people are saying about Jason Offutt...
    You've been added to the list of humorous people I count on to jump-start my funny bone when it breaks down.
    - Barb W.

    "Mr. Jo Jo"... was funny enough to make me laugh out loud at my desk.
    - Ellen Z.

    I don't know if you have friends left after writing this piece but I, for one, thought it was great.
    - Vince M.

    I've never laughed so hard in my life...
    - Bradley M.

    Very funny and warm-hearted!!! Thank you for a good read - will look for your column more often!
    - Carol J.

    One of your best - I plan on showing it to my grandkids.
    - Karen R.

    I always read your take on things, they never fail to make me laugh.
    - Jennifer S.

    Thanks for having the guts to write something like this.
    - Kelly S.




    A few more samples . . .
  • Your wife told you to buy what?
  • Where did time -- and our youth -- go?
  • Fathers just get used to it
  • Helpful hints but awkward moments
  • When it's time to go, it's time to go
  • Dangerous thoughts go unspoken
  • Teach them all the wrong lessons
  • 'Green Acres' is for someone else
  • Know the signs, be sympathetic
  • Keep an eye on the smart kid
  • One season at a time, please
  • If it ain't broke, by all means fix it
  • Pluto is dead - long live Pluto
  • Toddler's not-so-excellent adventure
  • You can't eat like a pregnant woman
  • Fumbling and mumbling in the dark
  • Please go away; my brain is full today
  • Enter the toddler, with a big surprise
  • Let's get out while the getting is good
  • Parents are ready for about anything
  • Dads are expected to know everything
  • Another first, sooner or later
  • Last week of school equals mayhem
  • Amateur hour on the final frontier
  • Life, death and lesser questions
  • Energy is wasted on the wrong people
  • The future is in good hands
  • Don't let this happen to your kid
  • Let the weirdness begin
  • Ballots are still better than bullets
  • Even at 17, he'll always be her baby
  • Trouble-prone friend in a foreign land
  • Global warming
           -- don't blame the usual suspects
  • The baby is in charge, but Dad is lost
  • Born free - and we intend to stay that way
  • Turn of a phrase means trouble
  • Pull off the road and just stay there
  • Sorry pal, the calendar doesn't lie
  • Wife gets ticket; I get out of jail free
  • Want the forecast? Look out a window
  • Dad is so boring and oh, so vulnerable
  • It's a trek, but the truth is not pretty
  • It pays to always look your best
  • Waiting all over,it's time to go - now
  • The physics of moving
  • Power resides in the unlikeliest places
  • What's that growing out there anyway?
    		•
  • Fear? Panic? Ah, the life of a husband
  • A father always has his hands full
  • Baby books written for real families
  • There's an ala what on my plate?
  • Life is full of nicks and scrapes
  • Please don't call it a 'play date'
  • What's in a name? Well, everything
  • Keep it in the time capsule
  • Fellas, just put up with it
  • Accidents can be the most fun
  • Armed and ready for action
  • Clean underwear equals a good haircut
  • Dad still knows how to make a point
  • Some academics have too much free time
  • Boy shows aptitude for making a mess
  • It's all written down ... somewhere
  • March of the Shadow People
  • Beware the box in the basement
  • Turn on the tube and be very afraid
  • Sneezing season seizes victim
  • One deep-fried piece of lettuce, please
  • Missing it all and not missing a thing
  • Buy a house - where do I sign?
  • A moving experience
  • The hazards of home ownership
  • When fate strikes, be ready
  • The young miss out on so much
  • A less-than-neighborly greeting
  • When the doctor says 'tubes'
  • Ask not for whom the bell tolls
  • The gray aliens ruined my day, again
  • Guys, girls and other people's weddings ...
  • Never trust the smiling rodents
  • Two sets of rules, and Dad loses
  • You're not as hip as you once were
  • The season isn't happy for everyone
  • A trip to the dentist
  • Love means never having to shop
  • The Idiot's Guide to Romance
  • In small towns,there's a Mom Network
  • Beware: The Earth has us surrounded
  • Just get to work, and none of your lip
  • Hey, can you spare $5? Or $10 Or ...
  • More than a chip off the ol' block
  • Writing a guidebook for new dads
  • Mr. Jo Jo died tragically


    • All content copyright ©Jason Offutt, 2007